My Impressions:
My strongest impression is saying 'no' to people. This has various flavors in different situations. Below are some examples
[a] When I am with my 'old-generation' relatives, it takes the form of 'obedient/good-natured' boy image. I do things just because they expect me to do. I dislike it.
[b] When I take up volunteer work, I agree to take up responsibility of other volunteers too. When this becomes too much, I don't communicate to others.
[c] When I am with colleagues, I agree to take up their work too [this hasn't happened in current job yet, but was a constant phenomenon in previous job]. Usually, my work suffers in the process.
In the past week, I had four encounters, that I clearly became aware of my impressions.
Event 1:
Preface: RG is a volunteer with Sunnyvale team. Out of no where she calls me on the day I was holding intro talk at my home. I hardly know her and rarely speak with her. Her call was completely out of the blue and was a creation of Guruji.
[I'll cut to the main points. We were conversing in Hindi]
RG: Who is giving intro talk today at your home?
Me: Either Sridhar or Ramesh.
RG: Why not you?
Me: [a bit taken aback by the question]...uh..mmm..How can
I give? Or may be I'll give when Santa Clara teachers ask
me to. I mean, when Uma asks me. Or may be when Sridhar or
Ramesh ask me. I don't know. How can I give the intro talk?
[I was blabbering something here]
RG: I think you did lot of volunteer work. You should start giving intro talk.
Me: I work with Santa Clara team. I'll do as Santa Clara teachers ask me to do.
RG: I know that. What I am saying is about YOU giving intro talk.
[At this point I lost my balance. I was furiously thinking: is
this whole conversation set up by Umaji just to test me or is this
a genuine call. Mind was racing like anything. So, unable to decide
if this is Umaji's prank, I kept on giving the same answer for
every question: "I'll do whatever Santa Clara teachers ask me to do"]
Me: Ok. I understand that. But I cannot give intro talk without Santa Clara teachers consent.
RG: I think you have a problem understanding my Hindi. Let me explain in English. See, I feel you are ready to give intro talks yourself.
Me: No No. My Hindi is very good. I understand what you are saying.
[I wasn't hearing what she was saying. And wasn't thinking what
I was saying. My heart was pounding at 200 beats/min. This surely
is Umaji's prank.]
RG: So, in today's intro talk, you take notes without getting
emotionally involved. Listen to each point the teacher says
and take down all the points.
[At this point, I was wondering, why is she telling me all this.
That too after calling out of nowhere.]
Me: I really don't understand why you called me.
RG: I was going through my address book. Realized that I didn't
speak to you in a while. So, I decided to call you.
Me: ok.
RG: I hope you now understood what I was saying.
Me: Yes I did.
RG: Ok. Good luck with today's intro talk.
Me: ok. bye.
RG: bye.
Event 2:
I got telemarketing call from San Francisco Chronicle [Chronicle]
on my office phone. My cube mate [named MM] got the same call
couple of mins back and she said she is not interested. The guy
hung up immediately. In my case, however, he kept on going and
going. In addition, MM was after me all during the call.
TM: Hi, I am calling from the Chronicle. Was interested to know
if you get any news papers.
Me: Yes I do.
TM: Which one sir?
Me: See, I am not interested in another one?
TM: Thats fine. Which news paper do you subscribe sir?
Me: San Jose Mercury News
MM: Sharmaji, what are you talking with him? Just hang the phone.
TM: Chronicle is far superior to SJMN sir. The first 8 weeks is
completely free. You can cancel it after 2 months if you
don't like it.
Me: No thanks. I am not interested.
TM: May I know why sir?
Me: Cancellation is a huge hassle. Don't want to go through it.
TM: Its an extremely simple process sir.
MM: Sharmaji, note down his phone no. We'll complain to our
IT department.
Me: [not knowing whom to talk to]. Still, I don't want to subscribe.
TM: Where is your primary source of news sir?
Me: Internet
TM: Which city do you live in sir?
MM: Sharmaji!!! Are you on a date with him? Hang up the phone.
[I am totally lost whom to talk to at this point]
Me: Excuse me?
TM: Which city are you in?
Me: San Jose ... no no ... Sunnyvale
MM: Ask him how he got this phone no? This is office phone no?
Me: How did you get this phone no? This is office phone no.
TM: Your number has been randomly selected out of our database.
Me: Oh, ok.
MM: What did he say?
[I am thinking, why don't I just say NO affirmatively to this guy?]
Me [to MM]: What?
MM: What did he say?
Me [to MM]: He picked it out of a database.
TM: What is your zip code sir?
Me: Office or home?
TM: Home
MM: Sharmaji!! Why are you talking so long? Its almost 5 minutes.
Me: I can't talk to you anymore.
TM: Sir, Chronicle is a very high quality news paper and you'll
realize it once you start reading it. There is absolutely no
strings attached.
Me: I am sure it is a good paper. But I just don't read news papers.
TM: You can try this one. There is no committment on your part.
MM: Sharmaji!! I noted down his number. Tell him we'll call our
IT department.
Me: I have to get back to work. You should not call me on this number.
TM: I will not be taking much of your time sir. Just couple of minutes.
Me: No. I am sorry.
. The guy hangs up in the middle of the conversation.
Me: Hello! Hello!
MM: Sharmaji! You spoke with him for about 8 minutes. No one speaks
with a telemarketing guy for that long. Why can't you just
say 'not interested'.
Me: I am working on it. But thats what I was saying all along,
isn't it?
Event 3:
Saturday, September 20th, was the day that my impression was
reflected in strongest manner.
Madhavi's relatives came over for lunch. My relatives, on my
invitation, came over for dinner. In between, Madhavi had to go to
AOL Media Volunteers meeting for couple of hours. So, there wasn't
enough time to prepare the dinner.
I could have postponed my relatives dinner invite as it was a last
minute decision. But I didn't. I just couldn't say no. My mind
also came up with other rationale: My relatives are quite busy and
they can free themselves only that day. And also, if we can work
hard just for today, we can relax for a long time.
We prepared well for lunch invitation. But we didn't have time for
dinner invitation. Food was not well planned. Nothing was prepared
on time. In fact, my relatives helped us finish cooking.
The small gifts thats exchanged at the end was not prepared. The
whole event was a partial disaster. On top, conversation was very
unauthentic. This last point, of all things, triggered Madhavi's
breakdown in the night.
It was evident that I have rubbed my impressions on to her and it
was too much for her take.
It was a day to remember.
Event 4:
When my mom was with us, my colleague invited us for lunch. Now,
her parents are here and I thought its time to reciprocate. So,
last week I asked them to come over some time in near future.
I am still uncertain the reasons for my invite.